I'd have never guessed it would take this long for another installment of this continuing series. There's something to be said for that, I guess.

Anyway, our story begins last night. I'm driving to rehearsal for the Lindsie band, and call Kevin on the way, so he can bring some gear that I need. We rehearse (and listen to a rough mix of "Red," which sounds fantastic), and I proceed to Goose Island Brewery for the open mike there. There's a coatrack against the wall, so I hang my coat there and think nothing of it. After listening to some inordinately bad bands, I sat in on drums with Smitty, the host, and then did my 80s thing, because not enough people hear King Crimson tunes at open mike nights.

Once I was through, I packed my guitar up and grabbed my coat, only both outside pockets were empty. Under normal circumstances, my cell phone would be in one pocket, my keys in the other. This time, nothing. First thought: "Oh shit, someone stole my phone and my keys." Second thought: "Fuck. My car." I rush outside to see my green Subaru right where I left it. Upon further inspection, all the various items inside, including two drums, a cymbal bag, car stereo and various CDs, appeared untouched. Upon even further inspection, my keys were inserted in the driver-side car door. Momentary puzzlement. Why would someone steal my keys, then return them without taking the car or anything else in it? Were they just after the phone?

A couple of panicked hours later, the most likely sequence of events is coming back to me. Neither the keys nor the phone were ever in my coat pockets while I was in the bar. I must have dropped my keys in the parking lot, and some lazy good Samaritan simply matched the brand of key to the brand of car, leaving them where I would have no choice but to find them. Unless, of course, someone with a bit less "moral clarity" came along in the interim. The missing phone must have been entirely separate, and given that no calls were made after that one to Kevin before rehearsal (continuity!), it suddenly seemed pretty clear that the phone was lost rather than stolen. Given that calls to the cell went straight to voice mail, I've further deduced that I probably dropped the phone either in a snow bank or in the eventual path of some weighty vehicle, because it should have had enough battery power to at least ring, otherwise.

If you'll forgive my liberal interpretation of "day" (and as long as it's 24 contiguous hours, it's close enough for me), that brings us today. After a late-night run back to the street outside Lindsie's and a stop at Home Depot to see if anyone had duped a Subaru key, I retraced my steps and checked to see if a phone had been turned in at nearby business establishments. No luck. I've also suspended my service, just in case, and investigated my options. What I've learned here is:

• Get phone insurance. Should be a no-brainer, right? Wrong. Never again will I make that mistake.
• Selling phone insurance isn't Cingular's business. Unlike extended warranties, phone insurance is in no way a moneymaker for the cell phone provide. Selling new phones at full retail to poor schlubs who lose their phones without having insurance, on the other hand, is. Which is why the person who sold me my phone didn't make a big deal of the insurance when I bought it.
• Used phones are your cheapest option. The first Cingular dealer I hit told me this, even though he didn't have any in stock. Good for him.
• Not everyone is going to tell me that. The second dealer made no mention of the used option until I asked, because, again, not much money to be made. He even had one in stock.
• Guys with no used phones in stock seem to be the most helpful. The last place I stopped told me that, aside from the used option, I might get a better deal if I called the toll-free customer service number.

So, now, it looks like I can get a used phone immediately for $100 or $125, that's either exactly the same or one slight version higher. Or, if I go through Cingular proper, the slightly newer one for $120, but I don't know how long it will take to ship. Given that I get so few calls on my cell, I'll probably take the second option. And buy the damn insurance.

I bought a lottery ticket today, because I either got massively lucky that my car wasn't stolen, and need to ride that wave, or I'm looking for a karmic turnaround after losing my keys and my phone. Either way, I can't lose!