I'm usually not prone to melodrama, but today was one of those days where you feel like everything is crashing down around you. Except, of course, that when I say "you," I mean "me." The odd thing is that nothing has changed in the last couple of days. I guess the difference is that I spent about four hours driving today, and that's time where there's not much else to do other than reflect. And avoid the idiot who suddenly decided, with about twenty feet to spare, that he didn't have exact change for the toll booth and needed to get over to the manual lanes. But I digress.

I'm starting to really worry about how I'm going to get by in the next six months or so. This has a nasty tendency to turn into self-flagellation about where my entire life is right now, which then presents a bit of a conundrum. Which is the real me? There seems to be some vast chasm between the successful me of about two years ago and the current, unemployed-and-running-out-of-money me. But the only real difference is that I had a good job then, and now I don't. The pessimist in me has been taking that, though, and using it to attack my self-worth. Today, at least, pessimism is carrying the day, and that's having a profound effect on me.

Tomorrow, I realize, may be entirely different. My usual M.O. is to ruminate on these sorts of things in panic mode for a little while, until solutions start to present themselves. Some of those have already started entering my headspace, and I've mostly reduced my current plight to a straight math problem. There are ways to get out of this, it's just a matter of how.

I think the imporant thing for me right now is to not watch Deuce Bigalow, Male Gigolo. That's all I'm saying.