NP: The Kinks, Give The People What They Want (MP3)

Okay, lots of messages for people who probably aren't reading this, which defines an awfully large population. In roughly chronological order:

• For Phineas. Well done, sir. The Washington Post reportedly reported, seeing as how that's what they do, that the White House promised 300,000 new jobs a month after the tax cut went into law. Reality can be a harsh mistress. That has nothing to do with the flight suit, but it's the only place I could think to put it.
• For creatures of habit. I've had contact lenses for five or six years now, maybe more. I use one of the disinfecting solutions where you have to drop a tablet into the solution, and have faithfully done so for all that time. Until one day last week, when I tried putting my lenses in and they stung like a goggle-ful of bees. I wasn't even drunk or really tired when I took 'em out. Weird.
• For the inventors of the futon frame. You are evil tools of Satan. I almost think I'd rather move a sleeper sofa, and I say that only because I didn't have to move one on Saturday, so it's easier to make that comparison.
• For J.T. Snow of the San Francisco Giants. What, did you not expect (Scotch Plains-Fanwood HS alumnus and J.V. basketball teammate) Jeffery Hammonds to hit the ball? Move your ass or stay at third.
• For Section 8 and Cardinal Stadium security. Thanks for proving my fears to be totally unfounded. On to the mothership!
• For Max Bretos and Dan Loney. Good to know people out on the left coast read my stuff. I will neither confirm nor deny that my roommate has a crush on one of you.
• For Landon Donovan of the San Jose Earthquakes. Yeah, you had five goals in the last two matches. That doesn't mean you get to act like a petulant little bitch when somebody shuts you down. No way you should have been allowed to stay in that game. The upshot is that, if the MetroStars can shut you down, so can we.
• For Tim McCarver. Way to ask the tough questions of the head umpire in the booth after a horribly botched call. He even admitted that the trickier part of the call (the force out on Giles at second) was wrong. Could you have at least asked about the review process for umpires who screw up? Lofton caught the damn ball.
• For people who like it when I'm right. I called Aramis Ramirez's home run, and there were witnesses. The exact quote was "Ramirez has hit some timely home runs," I think. The weird part was that we were watching it on TiVo with about a thirty second delay, so Larry's brother came running out of the other room after ball two, and we were a little confused.
• For Tim McCarver, part deux. Yes, I know, Kerry Wood was pitching well. But closers close, or winners close, or something David Mamet wrote and I can't remember. Joe Borowski is, and will continue to be, the most consistent part of the Cubs bullpen.
• For Tom Goodwin. Thanks for making McCarver look like a moron on that last one.
• For Anth. Dude, you're starting to scare me. I've come a long way as a drummer since 1987.
• For those about to rock. We salute you.