NP: Soundgarden, Superunknown

Being back in the 9-to-5 working world means one thing this time of year, and that's the office holiday party. Ours was last night. I was miserable.

I don't even know why, just that within about fifteen minutes of arriving, I didn't feel like exerting any effort to start conversations with anybody, and just sorta walked around sulking a lot. I left early, but not as early as I should have in order to block the perception that I'm no fun whatsoever. I might have to work a bit at that now if I'm ever going to integrate my work life with my social life.

Except that I have a long history of not doing that, and I'm not sure why. Of my friends, I can't seem to think of anyone I've met through work. Ever. There are some exceptions here and there over time, but certainly nobody who has remained close.

Some of it is situational from a work point of view. At my last job, I came in post-acquisition, and I think I was viewed by the more creative elements of that company as a stick-in-the-mud corporate type, because I came in to that sort of role despite having pretty good rock and roll credentials.

Stop laughing. You can buy songs from my old band on iTunes. That counts.

I see some similarities this time around. Most of my department is very focused on getting today's work done today, while I'm trying to take a step back and figure out how shit works. That step back seems to apply to more than just the work, as it takes away opportunities to make some sort of connection. Early on, I tried to force myself into the social fabric of that side of the business, but it didn't really take.

Or it could be that I don't really bond well in forced environments, that I want to choose my friends on the basis of something other than being stuck in the same room all day. This would track with having lots of acquaintences rather than lots of friends all through my pre-college years. I don't know.

As usual, I'm overanalyzing. It might have just been a series of mild disappointments once I got to the party that ran from the beer selection to difficulties getting to the bar for that first drink to the lighting and the DJ. And once I get going down that path, I tend to stay on that path.

The night wasn't a total loss, though. I ended up high-tailing it to Metro to see The Changes and two songs each of Sybris -- who were highly recommended after the fact by my bartender friend -- and Troubled Hubble. Oddly enough, both locations for the evening featured me and a whole lot of people younger than me, but I felt much more comfortable at the show.