Play Like You Mean It [R]

The Fire press release for this game with D.C. United pointed out that the Fire have dominated United in the playoffs. So we have to both approach this game like a playoff game, and try not to regress to the mean.

Also, I think Kenn just set a land speed record for fastest pun in a broadcast. Four words. And away we go.

• Totally gratuitous Spinal Tap reference setting up the lineup, but I'm a believer that such things need no logical segue. Pause in the back and Conde in the middle? I'll believe it when I see it. It's still the six players back, four players forward we've been working for the last month and a half.
• Yep, Conde playing next to Chris Armas. That might just work, although Rolfe has to defend a little better out on the wing and not let Burch rip that shot in the second minute.
• The new turf seems a little slow.
• Blanco with a beauty of a chip, Barrett does well bringing it down, but shoots right at Troy Perkins. Good strikers don't score every time. Good strikers don't score every time. Good strikers don't score every time.
• Barrett again, but can't settle it down before getting dispossessed.
• Kenn makes the inevitable Pickens/Perkins swap in the fifth minute.
• Wanchope with a weak header. Rolfe with a good takeaway, and Blanco isn't able to keep his feet. That's two really good chances in eight minutes.
• As someone who thinks Conde makes some rash, reckless challenges, and that Logan Pause doesn't, I like the lineup tweak. The Columbian gets to be aggressive without worrying about giving up free kicks in tough spots.
• Rolfe with a good idea, but the new turf eats it, and Kenn embraces the Pickens/Perkins diad.
• Robinson with some solid shoulder challenges. Not enough for a foul, but enough for a sympathy corner kick.
• Nice outlet from Rolfe to Barrett, and you can bitch about Barrett not doing much with the ball, but Wanchope was making things difficult by not getting wide and both drawing his defender closer to Barrett and not giving Chad a pass.
• Dasan clearly starting to get under the skin of Kpene, who retaliates and gets called for the foul in the 15th minute.
• Chicago dodges one as Robinson steps up for a header but DC controls it while Dasan's momentum takes him out of the play and opens up the middle for a United attack that ends up on Matt Pickens' right post.
• Segares with a cross to nobody in particular. Then Rolfe pretty studiously avoids passing to Wanchope, opting for Barrett instead, who eventually gets a pretty decent left-footed shot with no rebound for the Fire players "lurching."
• DC counters but C.J. Brown is right there.
• The Fire front four get a bit bogged down in close quarters at the top of the eighteen. Somebody get wide, dammit. This is where I'm going to defend much-maligned former Fire forward Lubos Reiter, who knew how to get wide. Wanchope, on the other hand, shoots wide.
• Barrett is posting up like Shaquille freakin' O'Neal, muscling his way to another long shot that Perkins has to save. Meanwhile, watch Wanchope ball-watching.
• Fire giving DC too much space back the other way after tonight's whipping boy, Mr. Paulo Wanchope, gives it away, but C.J. Brown owns Ben Olsen to win it back.
• Wanchope tries to prove me wrong with a nice shot from the top of the eighteen that just goes wide. Put aside the fact that I'm writing this an hour and a half after the game ended.
• Conde talks to the refs too much, but I'm with him on this one in the 24th minute against Olsen.
• Shoutouts to The Globe, Features and the late Darrien Chapman. Nice.
• Blanco to Wanchope, who flicks it right to Barrett, who volleys it wide. Nice sequence from the Fire.
• Blanco with a tricky chip that could have been a cross that Perkins handles.
• Back the other way, Kpene with a worm-burner that almost gets past Pickens' outstretched arms -- and Kenn, you called him Perkins again -- but doesn't.
• Confident passing in the back between Robinson, Conde and Armas, eventually up to Wanchope, who -- you guessed it -- gives it away.
• If I were Tommy Soehn, I'd want my team to attack the left side instead of the right. Chris Rolfe might be more vulnerable than Conde and Segares. Of course, as soon as I say this, Ben Olsen jukes Segares and cuts back a dangerous ball that Kpene ultimately fires into Dasan Robinson's family jewels.
• Play resumes and Conde gets caught appealing for the foul, but Segares bails him out. D.C. bangs it around after the corner, but it comes to nothing.
• Think Dasan Robinson is at all intimidated in facing Major League Soccer's leading scorer? Nope. Not one bit as he wins the ball and taps it back for a clearing kick from Pickens.
• Fred takes an ill-advised shot from about 30 yards out and it goes wide.
• Do people still say "sike"?
• Loved Rolfe pulling up and changing direction as Vanney slid in front of him. Blanco completes the switch of fields, Segares crosses to Barrett, who lets it go through, and Wanchope does actually lurch for the rebound, too slow to get there before Perkins. Kenny is psychic!
• If Justin Mapp gets healthy, play him as an out and out striker instead of Wanchope. Wow, that would be potent.
• Nice through-ball from Blanco to Barrett, who does all he can to get a shot off that Perkins stones, possibly outside of the penalty box.
• Conde in for Rolfe, who can't beat Perkins to the ball. The offense is looking pretty damn good so far, except for the whole "not scoring" thing. Paging Mrs. Lincoln...
• Oof. Pause should have done better tracking that long ball out of the back, but Pickens bails him out with a nice parrying save. That would have sucked.
• Freeze-framing the replay of the Chad Barrett run that Perkins may have handled outside of the box, and I have to say, it was perfectly executed by the DC goalkeeper. His momentum definitely had taken him out of the box, but he reached back to stop the ball, and that point of contact was still inside.
• Something like fifteen passes in a row for the Fire as they poke and prod and try to find a seam, but it breaks down when Barrett thinks he's offside but isn't, and Wanchope wastes a ball in towards Perkins thinking the play is mostly dead.
• More strong possession from the Fire, ending with a decent shot from Conde that Perkins grabs. This seems like the most shots the Fire have had in one half in a long time, although Kenny just said it's only been five on goal.
• Not sure how I feel about that Wanchope effort in the 45th minute. Should have hit it first time, but he trapped the ball too close to his feet, and then the defense sorta got in the way of a clear shot. More nice possession leading up to it, though.
• Segares wins a corner at the death of the first half. And I still don't get why there's a bar at field level at RFK.
• DC tries to wheel and deal for a chance before halftime, but the Fire shut it down.
• Bad dive from DC United. Dasan is having none of it, and neither is Kevin Stott, so we're good. Barrett offside on the attempt to counter, and it's time to head to the locker rooms.
• You know what would make this better? Beer. I am already time-delayed here. It's not like it'll make that big a difference if I went and grabbed a six-pack.
• Kenny wishing Chris Armas well instead of asking a question, with a tone of finality that makes it sound like any Fire playoff games might be on My50 with Huebner and Doran, FSC or ESPN2.
• 11 shots, 8 shots on goal. If I have time, I'm going to go back and see how many full games we've gone without putting up those kinds of stats. Saves were backwards on the graphic, and I thought I heard Kenn notice it while he was talking over them.
• Chris Doran couldn't make it, and they didn't call me? Bastards.
• Right out the gate, the Fire are fortunate as DC bring the ball down in the Fire's penalty area off a free kick (I think), but a heavy touch turns the ball back to Chicago.
• Hooray, beer! Which will tell you what kind I just picked up.
• Wanchope kills the Fire's first attack of the half with another dumb giveaway.
• Robinson matched up with Gomez now that Kpene has left the match and Emilio seems to have flipped to the right side for now.
• Brian Namoff: Not going to beat C.J. Brown at the touch line. No, sir.
• All sorts of Fire traffic in front of the DC net and the clearance gets knocked down to Barrett. Perkins is still owning him, though.
• Chris Armas follows up with as good a pass as you'll see from him, only it was to the old, slow guy. No, not Wanchope. The other one, the one who can pass.
• Segares didn't think that ball was going to get past the defender, and when it did, it looked like none of his teammates did, either, as there was nobody in the box. Still, DC heads it over the end line for a corner.
• Which Segares will take. Is he really the only left-footed player we have out there? I think he is.
• Dasan with a decent header after all is said and done, which would have been a just reward for the game he's put in so far. Armas gets fouled as DC tries to counter.
• Blanco too heavy for Barrett, but a good idea nonetheless. And Kenny lets the cat out of the bag that this might be the last Comcast broadcast, which means the last chance to see Chris Armas for this crew if he does, in fact, retire.
• Bodies flying everywhere as we seem to have entered the "sixtieth minute slop" phase of the game.
• Wanchope seems to be calling a 15-yard clipping foul on the...Redskins maybe?
• Barrett a little too casual with the ball after a good ball from Rolfe. Followed by Fred getting too cute for his own good.
• Rolfe could have seen yellow there on a challenge against Gomez, and maybe benefited from the non-call against Blanco a moment before in an effort to be fair.
• Blanco with the bounce, doesn't get through, and Conde may have a case on that non-call right at the edge of the penalty area. I'm guessing it's one of those ticky-tack fouls that you might call at midfield, but not in the box in a 0-0 match.
• We may have been lucky that Pause deflected that cross out of bounds, as Olsen was wide open on the far post. C.J. Brown got caught upfield early in that counterattack.
• On the replay, Namoff definitely made contact, and it was definitely outside of the box.
• Maybe C.J. doesn't buy into the Ben Olsen hype, but he still needs to get over on him quicker with Segares putting pressure up higher.
• Surprise, surprise, Wanchope loses the ball again. Rolfe ultimately with a good shot, but into traffic.
• On the other end, the ball keeps squirting out to the feet of D.C., until Conde finally clears. That had the feel of one of those bad luck plays where you just can't get a good foot on the ball to get it out of danger, but it amounts to nothing.
• After Vanney gets a little aggressive with Wanchope, the big Costa Rican takes it out on Ben Olsen and there's a faceoff of sorts. Wanchope has been getting a bit het up here in the second half, and seeing as how he's not really helping the offense worth a damn, this might be a good time to get him the hell out of there.
• "Both teams' unbeaten streaks on the line." Technically, neither of them may be on the line if this scoreline holds.
• Wilman Conde and C.J. Brown appear to be the only two Fire players wearing short sleeves, in case you were wondering. And Kenn notices the bar in the corner.
• That's at least twice C.J. has worked the "I'm going to shield it out of bounds...no, I'm not" play to great effect, but then Segares loses the ball out of bounds.
• Blanco takes it up the sideline, and again, Wanchope just sort of jogs in a bad position. He should be diving for the corner with Barrett already set up in the middle.
• A little too casual in the back as DC gets a good cross in, but CJ deflects the ball just wide of the net where Pickens grabs it.
• Rolfe takes too many touches after a pretty flick over a defender.
• Wanchope runs over a defender after getting shielded off the ball. Now he's just banging the crap out of people.
• If Soumare has to come in for anyone, I guess Conde is the best straight-up swap. No bunker there. And Kenny makes another Pickens/Perkins slip. They must hate this matchup.
• After tying his shoe, Logan Pause displays proper throw-in etiquette. If I remember, I'm going to try one tomorrow where my thumbs point straight down at the end of the motion and see if it makes any kind of difference.
• Carr for...Barrett? What will it take for Osorio to lose faith in Wanchope? Kenn says a bunch of words in approximately the correct order, and makes a note of it.
• C.J. continues to own Olsen.
• Carr kind of got lucky getting that call at midfield, but we'll take it.
• Not sure what that call was on Chris Rolfe. Probably a handball. Sure would be great if we could see a replay, instead of ten seconds of Chris Rolfe jogging back to midfield.
• Gomez beats Armas to the end line, but Pickens snuffs the cross. Armas a little lucky that Gomez didn't fall down, as the Fire captain had a good handful of jersey.
• Snuffleuppagus!!! Thorrington coming on for Chris Rolfe.
• Nice win of the ball by Segares at midfield, which will at least keep DC penned in its own half if it doesn't give us a scoring chance.
• The last time I started talking about the game in the past tense before the game was over, i paid for it. So we wait in the 90th minute, as Carr gets a header just over the bar on a good cross from Segares.
• Calen Carr makes a nice little play off a long ball from Blanco where he tries to run into the rebound, knowing he's not going to win the first ball. Doesn't work, but still nice.
• Kenn now jinxing us with talk of the last time DC was shut out. Thanks, Kenn. Fortunately, Pickens didn't hear him, and scoops up the long shot from Gomez.
• And that's it. All things considered, a pretty good effort even if we didn't score. And Dasan got robbed for Man of the Match, but I will concede that it's Segares' birthday. So far, I think Sega's two MOTM honors have been for perfect attendance and for being born. But I don't think anyone other than Wanchope had a bad match.